17 October 2012

A cuckoo....

Hi everyone, If you're still interested in reading my posts, please visit: http://www.positivefootsteps.co.uk/women_who_love_too_much/ I've spied a cuckoo in my nest - who appears to have copied my format and is keen to steal my eggs.. ho-hum... Guess there's no such thing as an original thought... or format ;) Looking forward to blogging again very soon, now that I've moved the blog to my own website. Hope you'll join me there, in my nest... Cuckoos not welcome!! Ciao, Jane x

9 July 2012

A la recherche du temps perdu

I have returned to my original nest, in the hope of reclaiming my original inspiration. Meantime, I'll move a couple of blog posts from my other nest over here and see where the force takes me.... :) I note it's almost a year since I last blogged here and much has happened, in terms of trigger events which will invariably push the button marked 'Codependency'. That old familiar feeling of the gun being loaded (especially when someone else was willing me to fire the shots) was there but there was too little powder left in the keg..only the residue of imagined past hurts and insignificant events. And so.. trigger followed by fizzle... ahhhh... These tools are surely powerful. The biggest, most significant anti-weapon (for there are no weapons for a pacifist)? Compassion... for self first and everyone else thereafter, of course. I forgive myself. I love and accept myself... just the way I am. How about you?

24 August 2011

Another nest...

Over the years, I've come to realise that there may be advantages to revisiting old methods, giving them the once-over and opting to try something new. It's often difficult to leave one's comfy little nest - in this case my Blogger blog - after all, I'm warm and happy here but I'm still a little hesitant in recreating yet another nest. After all, it ain't broke, so why am I fixin' it....?

Well, for one, it keeps me on my toes - I have a leaning towards "mañana, baby..." at times - probably a throwback to my "marijuana, baby..." days and the soft option - to stay put and do nothing - often arrests my blogging development. And so... a shrug and a sigh and a flutter of the wings and I realise they weren't clipped at all. They were just relaxed...but poised. Much as I am myself these days.

And so... I'd like to welcome you into my new nest. It's a little rough around the edges and it's full of all the twigs and feathers from this one - I mean, I've just moved in and am still finding my way around - but I know I'll have it cosy in no time... but with much more room to expand and entertain my guests... with virtual cups of tea and dialogue - singing alone in my nest is fine and dandy but when I hear someone else's song, in response to my own, then it makes me want to sing all the more.... So... sing it loud, sing it clear and invite your friends along for a visit to my new Wordpress (eventually all-singin'-all-dancin') blog - and maybe even my website... and who knows... mañana might become a thing of the past.... Anything's possible!


21 May 2011

One Woman and Her Dog....

Having found my new resting place and now experiencing a sense of domestic contentment which had thus far evaded me, I find myself contemplating gardening... putting down a different kind of root... potatoes.  Guess middle-age draws me to middle earth...I'm appreciating the wonder and nature of beauty... and the nature and beauty of relationships and interconnections.

Accustomed as I am to codependency, I have decided to embrace that small rem(a)inder of 'self-destruct' me which had longed for an unconditional love ...total acceptance... for such a long time.  It was not a wholly conscious decision - but there are no mistakes, we're told (all part of life's rich tapestry) - I became the guardian of a border collie pup.  I named her Cosy - she looked that way and I kinda feel that way inside whenever I think of her.  I believe she offers an antidote... an inadvertent healer of my injured self.  Pets, we're told, can teach us much about loyalty, trust, love without strings (she doesn't care how I look) and can lower stress just by being around.  Plus with a dog at least, a reason for walking, when one is needed and, with all pets I guess, a reason to get up in the morning.

In return, I offer her food, shelter, respect and yes, love.  A sense of healthy interdependency emerges.  It's made me question whether or not there was such a thing as a healthy codependency... but I reckon that's an oxymoron.  I guess we are all dependent upon one another for survival but, on a micro-level, when feelings and identities become entangled and enmeshed, we lose sight of who we are as individuals - existing only as "the other half" of a couple and experiencing enjoyment by proxy, i.e. only when our "other half is happy".  Claustrophobic relationships (as codependent relationships tend to be) invariably restrict the supply of oxygen as personal space is violated and we begin to feel constricted and no longer feel able to breathe freely.  Feelings of fear, overwhelming anxiety, panic and depression often ensue.  

Cosy is teaching me much about myself - a realisation dawns that I have been working on healthy interdependency in all of my relationships for some time now, breaking free from those chains which once constrained me.  Maybe it's time to dismiss the notion that 'healthy codependency' might even exist... and continue to live with the more realistic and definitely attainable notion of healthy independency - now that's definitely not an oxymoron....Seems to me it's a rather cosy fit.