19 August 2010

Moving away from me....

As I prepare myself for what is likely to be my final house move for a good number of years, I reflect on those that have gone before.... I can look back at the crazy years of addiction, chaos, bad-choice (read 'codependent') relationships and see how clearly that's linked with my 'doing the geographicals'. Anyone who's familiar with AA will know what I'm referring to. If not, let me elucidate further :) This is a state of mind wherein the addict believes that making a 'geographical' change will move her away from her addictive behaviour - ie she can leave it all behind in the area - or even property - she was vacating. Crazy as that sounds, that's what I've unconsciously done for most - if not all - of my adult life and have moved around so many times, I've lost count. Not only is it financially and physically expensive, it's spiritually expensive.

Running away from oneself - one's demons - just doesn't work. I took me with me... and there's no escaping that. So the only way to get over this pain (this fear) - this spiritual expense - was through it... Instead of looking away, I decided I wouldn't blink this time and I stared it out... a step at a time. By quitting alcohol and addictive relationships, clarity emerged... From clarity came focus... From focus came strength and courage.

This commitment to a property is symbolic...I now feel ready to make a major commitment to myself.. and, this time, I'm more than happy to take me with me :)


Crystal Mary said...

Firstly, how well you write and...how well you express yourself.
Oh life can be full of thunderstorms, then sunsoaked days...Yet to us who we are, is always with us.
Blogging helps to express our highs and lows... and the positve aspects is, others read, cry or smile and relate to our journey.
I pray you find HOME....that place where your soul longs to feel settled and comfortable. May God bless your day with a kiss of acceptance and a hug of peace. CML

Nichole said...

Congrats to you. The journey to self-discovery is tough at times, but sooo worth it!