15 December 2009

Tuning in, turning on but not dropping out...

I'm referring here to my intuition... my gut instinct... something which seemed to slip through my fingers, couldn't quite catch what it was saying, disappeared in a cloud of ether... All of those things at different times in my life when I really needed it to be 'turned on' but I just wasn't tuned in.

The white noise created by addiction made it impossible to make out any clear signals coming from my sixth sense - or Higher Self, as Assagioli and others have referred to it. My experience is that there is a certain pervasive fog which descends into the brain when a person becomes dependent upon a substance - or, indeed, a person - as a means of dealing with or escaping their everyday reality. Mind fog is not conducive to good decision-making. However, I've subsequently learned that it's arguable whether any decision can be deemed 'good' or otherwise. Perhaps a more constructive label might be healthy? This is purely subjective. When we start to explore the idea of no-lose decision-making... and let go of the outcome of a particular decision.. it can be liberating. It certainly was for me. When I am true to myself, I agree with Edith Piaf's sentiments... 'Non, je ne regrette rien'. It is only when I experience sudden flashbacks to a past - a country I no longer choose to frequent - that I experience occasional whispers of white noise, dulling my intuitive responses to particular events or situations.

So.. how does one tune in? Being mindful is key to staying connected to one's intuition, it seems. Awareness in a mindful way differs from the acute anxiety-ridden awareness which ensues from the kind of paranoia which appears with sensory overload. Charles Bukowski once famously said: 'A paranoid.. is a man with all the facts.' and Woody Allen agreed with him, it seems. But I'd argue that the 'facts' will invariably be distorted when senses are dulled and deprived of sleep. So... meditation or mindfulness training can significantly reduce white noise and, it seems, tune it out... with much practice, I understand.

Of course, being actively addicted to anything - be it to a job, a person, a substance, even an emotion - will make the process of mindful awareness more difficult to grasp... It will keep on slipping through the fingers for a time but, eventually, it'll float there - and clarity will appear.. and space will develop for feelings you can trust and come to rely upon, as the white noise dissipates and intution is allowed to grow. For me, I believe my intuition's development arrested in childhood and was brought back to life in October 2000. It was pretty weak for a long time, much like Bambi on spindly legs for the first few years... but, as the months and years have progressed and my trust in and knowledge of who I am continues to grow and develop, so does my intuitive self. That gives me a rather warm and fuzzy feeling! Vive l'intuition!!